You need to be yourself to live an authentic and fulfilling life. Many of us know this, but still struggle to remain true to ourselves. However, I find that many people struggle the most with being true to themselves around others, especially those we care about the most. Sometimes we worry about losing approval, acceptance, validation, or even love from those around us. As a result, many of us decide to hide our truest selves rather than risk losing connections to other people.
But the truth is, all of the things you value the most from the people around you, are the exact things you should be giving to yourself. Validation, approval, acceptance, and love are all your responsibility to give to yourself. No amount of any of these externally will ever satisfy you, if it’s not met with the same feelings for yourself within. And feeling those things for yourself, is what grounds you in a solid sense of self worth and worthiness. This is what enables you to be yourself, and pursue the things you want in life. Self worth, self love, and self acceptance are three primary things that will free you to feel secure and comfortable being yourself, no matter what. So here are 9 tips that I’ve used that will help you be yourself around anyone, and feel confident doing so.
1. Identify Disempowering Narratives
Everybody has a personal narrative they’re operating from, whether they know it, or not. There is a story you subconsciously tell yourself about who you are, that dictates who you choose to be and how you show up in the world. The catch is, we’re not always aware of what the narrative is. As a result, we’re not always aware if it’s a disempowering one or empowering one. I find that you can often tell the most easily by looking at your life. Your life is often an external reflection of what is happening internally. So pay attention. What situations keep repeating themselves? How do you feel in these situations? Who do you see yourself as? Are you a victim of life, or a creator of it? Your life is constantly speaking to you. Are you listening?
- Ask yourself real questions. Are you happy? Do you like the relationships in your life? Do you like the work you do? Does your life look like an authentic expression or manifestation of you? If not, there’s probably a block. Do you believe what you want is possible for you? Do you believe you’re worthy of it?
Reflecting on questions like this, will help you become conscious of the things that are subconsciously creating youre reality. Awareness is the first step. I found practices like shadow work were really helpful for me to unearth my limiting beliefs. It helped me understand why I reacted and felt the way I did in certain situations. Click here if you’d like more information on shadow work. However, once you identify the limiting belief or story, change it.
2. Replace Disempowering Narratives
If your personal narrative is a disempowering one, shift it. You decide who you want and get to be in this life. And you get to decide what defines you. Nothing defines you, besides what you allow to define you. So if a specific experience made you feel unworthy or less than, first be compassionate with yourself, but also reflect on whether that identity is really serving you anymore. Chances are it’s not, and if it’s not, it needs to be released. Change self limiting narratives to empowering ones. You get to own and perceive your story, however you choose. Choose the one that empowers you. How can you be a creator from your experiences, rather than a victim of them. If you were a victim, you don’t stay one. You’re allowed to grow and change as you see fit.
3. Pay Attention to Your Thoughts
Very often, the words and behaviors we saw mirrored to us the most as children, are ones we subconsciously adopt and repeat into adulthood. Due to this, you need to be mindful, and ask yourself, which thoughts are really my own? And which thoughts are one’s I’ve adopted? Do I actually believe in them, and is believing in them serving my highest good, or pushing me away from it? And if they’re pushing you away, let them go and call in better ones.
4. Be Intentional With Your Words
Replace limiting thought patterns with expansive ones. It’s often the ones that feel the most freeing that are the most aligned with our truth. Speak love over yourself, and speak words that you wish you’d heard from others. If you’re constantly searching for validation or acceptance from the people around you, target that. Speak those words to yourself, and affirm them into your reality. Affirmations like: I am worthy, I am enough, I am lovable, and I accept myself are powerful. The right affirmations will help to instill you with the self worth and confidence you need to show up as yourself alone, and in front of other people. Find the affirmation that feels the most empowering and resonant for you, and use that.
5. Affirmations
Affirmations are words or phrases that reaffirm the intention you want to call in. These are powerful tools. Everything that was ever created in this world, started with a thought. And every repeated thought started with a belief. Your perception of reality, and the choices you make, are dictated by the subconscious thoughts and beliefs that you hold. The words you hear, and the words that you speak over yourself, either feed these beliefs, or establish new ones. Words have power. So be intentional with the ones you use. Especially, with the words you speak over yourself.
Affirmations aren’t typically a one and done thing. I find they work best with repeated use, at least initially. This is because frequent reinforcement helps undo disempowering narratives and establish new and empowering ones. Also, acting in alignment with these new beliefs really helps to ground them into your behavior and psyche. So if you’re telling yourself “I’m worthy,” ask yourself what worthiness looks like to you, and what types of behavior you associate with that. Embody those qualities, and start acting in alignment with the belief you’re calling in.
6. Know Your Worth
Self confidence almost always comes down to self worth, and ultimately self love. How you view yourself in terms of lovability and acceptability, is almost exactly tied with how lovable you think you are to others. However, this isn’t always accurate. You will only allow yourself to receive that which you feel worthy of. So it’s extremely important that you get clear about your relationship to your own sense of worth and lovability.
Do you feel worthy of love or of taking up space? Do you think you’re worthy of having and experiencing the things you want? If not, why? In what ways has your own sense of worthiness impeded you from living in the way you want? In what ways, does your current sense of self worth stop you from being yourself?
7. Believe in Your Worth
We only allow ourselves to receive the love we think we deserve. So, if you think you’re an amazing, lovable, and valuable human being; you’re only going to allow yourself to receive things that mirror that back to you. To be yourself, you have to believe that you are valuable and worthy of being seen, loved, and appreciated. And in case you didn’t already know, you are. You don’t have to be perfect to be lovable, you just have to be yourself. And, you have to forgive yourself for ever believing you weren’t. Self love and self acceptance are key. Know you’re that worthy of receiving what you desire. And know that you’re worthy of being seen for who you truly are.
8. Be Yourself
Shine your light, and be your authentic self. You are here for a reason. You have the gifts, talents, strengths, and yes, even the “weaknesses” you have, for a reason. No one is you, and no one ever can be. You are unique, and that is a beautiful gift. I know it may be hard to see, especially if you’ve struggled with self confidence in the past like I have; but you are gift to this world. The more you embody who you truly are, the more you are able to share your unique purpose and message with the world around you.
Yeah, other people may have a similar mission like you do, but no one can deliver it, or embody it, in the unique way that only you can. The world needs what you have, and hiding your true self is not only a disservice to yourself, which leads to an unfulfilled and hollow life, but it’s also a disservice to the collective. So be yourself, and be the person you’ve always truly wanted to be. No one defines you, but you, and there is power in that. Take yours back.
9. Be Patient
Deep sustainable change takes time, be patient. Sometimes change happens overnight, and sometimes it happens over years. Everybody grows at their own rate, and each is valid. Whatever your rate is, don’t give up. Rewriting old patterns and narratives takes consistency and devotion. Someone can give you all of the tips in the world, but until you’re ready to take accountability and put the work in, you won’t see results. You have to show up for yourself. And you have to keep showing up, even when you fail. You’re not going to be perfect 100% of the time, and that’s okay. Perfection isn’t the goal, progress is. Keep showing up, and keep taking daily action to move yourself forward. Each step brings you closer to who you want to be, and where you want to go. Every step counts.
Conclusion
You are more powerful than you think, and the choice is up to you. Every moment you’re alive is another opportunity to lean further into embodying the person you want to be, or away from it. And again, you’re not always going to get it right. However, you are going to grow as long as you put the effort in, and consistently show up for yourself and your dreams. You’ve got this. Believe in yourself. You are more capable than you believe. And once you remember how worthy and lovable you are, you will have no problem showing up for the world in your truth; and the world and right people will have no problem showing up for you. Be bold.
Love, Simone.
