Quick Disclaimer
Shadow work can be a really deep and cathartic process. However, it may reveal more than you had anticipated. It might bring up deep seated feelings or memories that could be very sensitive for you. So if you feel like the most helpful thing is to seek professional help or speak with a licensed therapist, do not hesitate. It’s very important to honor what feels the most right, healthy, and nourishing for you, and to respect that. Again, I am not a professional. These are just the steps I use during my shadow work journey that has been very helpful for me, and that I believe will be extremely helpful for you.
What is Shadow Work?
Shadows are the unacknowledged, dismissed, and/or dissociated parts of you. These aspects of self are typically abandoned by your conscious mind or personality, as a result of feeling they are unacceptable, unlovable, or unsafe to express. Shadow work, is the conscious self-reflection healing process of shining a light on these hidden parts of self; in order to come to a place of greater clarity, self awareness, wholeness, self acceptance, and love for yourself. This process can be very powerful, because it helps you become aware of and release subconscious blocks that may inhibit you from fully expressing your truest self and living the life you want to live.
7 Steps For Shadow Work
1. Address the Fear Based Beliefs that Feed the Shadow
Do this by asking yourself questions when you feel triggered.
For instance,
- How did you feel when this person or event triggered you?
- How does it make you feel now?
No matter what comes up, let it rise. Don’t shift it, manipulate it, or suppress it into being anything besides what it is. Release judgment about what you think you should think or feel. This is a time to be really raw with yourself about whatever your true feelings are, regardless of what they may be. Now sit with this.
Environment
I recommend that you do this when you have the time and space to process, and where you feel you can be vulnerable and safe. Shadow work can be very raw process. It may bring up deep seated feelings or beliefs you had forgotten, or weren’t consciously aware of. However, as emotional as shadow work can be, it can also be an incredibly healing and transformative process. So please make sure you create a safe environment to do this in. Feeling safe in your environment with yourself, or with the people or person surrounding you, is extremely important during this process.
2. Accept Your Shadows
The most important step of this process, is to accept and acknowledge these parts of yourself. See your shadow for what it is, and accept it. If your shadow is an unacknowledged sense of victimhood, face it. If your shadow is the rejected parts of your sensual and sexual nature, face that too. You have to face and accept what is before you can begin to truly heal and integrate it. Make a safe space for these parts of you to come up without judgement. And try to be open minded and compassionate, because these are the rejected parts of who you are. These are the insecurities and limiting beliefs that undermine you from a subconscious place. You need to see and accept all parts of yourself in order to fully love who you are.
3. Let it Flow
Let your emotions flow uninhibitedly. If you need to ugly cry, do it. If you need to scream into a pillow, do it. As long as it’s of no harm to yourself or others, express your emotions. Truly feel your feelings. I will say this time and time again, if you ain’t feeling you ain’t healing.
The only way to get past it, is to go through it. So fully process and accept whatever suppressed emotions arise. You might discover beliefs or feelings you never knew you had, and that’s okay. Hold space for them, let them surface, and acknowledge the truth of what they are. If it’s anger, let it be anger. If it’s sadness, let it be sadness. Hold space for whatever you feel. Don’t judge it, or morph it into anything it’s not. For the time being, just embrace it. Your feelings are valid. Allow yourself to feel them.
The best way out is always through.
Robert Frost
4. Don’t Reject What Comes Up
Rejecting certain emotions and aspects of yourself is exactly what makes them shadows. And typically, when we are unwilling to face certain parts of ourselves they don’t just go away. They remain there in the shadows, expressing themself in subconscious and often self defeating ways. This is why it is so important to shine light on your shadows and accept your dark side, because either you rule them or they rule you. And when you let your shadows call the shots, that’s typically when shit hits the fan. So don’t reject what comes up, because this only serves to suppress them further. And what you resist persists my friend.
5. Love, Don’t Judge
Approach your shadow self with curiosity and compassion. These parts of you have been dismissed and suppressed for years, and are often related to tender inner child wounds. It harder to be vulnerable when you fear you’ll be met with judgment. So show up with a willingness to witness and understand your shadows, rather than judge them. Remember, these parts of you have been met with shame and judgment for most of your life, give them compassion and love to help them to heal.
6. Release Resistance
At first, there might be some resistance. For me, I find that my resistance appears when I start to judge or change what I’m feeling. So if you’re like me, you may initially think, “I shouldn’t feel this way because…” or “I should be or feel this way because..” This is relatively normal, because most of us are conditioned to judge certain feelings as either bad or good. However, that’s not what we’re doing here. And quite frankly, it isn’t really conducive to the healing process.
Whether your morals agree with it or not, you simply feel how you feel. It might not always be this way, but in this moment the truth of how you actually feel is what matters. So try to let go of those judgements during your shadow work journey, and make it feel safe within yourself for these feelings to arise. Hold space to see, love, and accept your shadows they way you wish you were seen, loved, and accepted.
7. Be Patient With Yourself
Maybe, it takes you a while to open up. Maybe, not everything comes up at once. Or, the emotions and feelings that do arise persist over a couple of days, or weeks. Whichever happens for you is okay. Allow yourself to feel and heal in whatever way your body needs. You’ll feel that intuitively. Maybe you need to cry, or scream, or go for a walk, or talk to a trusted friend, or write. If you need to see a trusted professional, that’s okay too. Whatever it is, do that. Do what feels best, and most therapeutic for you. For me, I find that open communication is very healing. So when I allow these feelings to arise, I like to either write or type what I’m feeling out. Sometimes, talking to a trusted friend or partner feels the most nourishing. Again, do what works best for you.
Overall
Shadow work is an incredibly transformative process that can truly help you confront and release some of your greatest inner blocks. However, it’s very important to do so at the time and place that feels best for you. It’s also not typically a one and done process. People are always in perpetual state of growth, release, and transformation. So I find that shadow work works best as a tool used periodically to really go within and heal different aspects. I hope these 6 steps help you along your shadow work journey. Let me know in the comments below how your experience with shadow work is going, and comment any content ideas you want me to write about next!
Love, Simone.
